Coach of Love

A Few Considerations on Love


Some Things to Consider about Love

Are you in a relationship or looking for one?  Here are some important things to consider.  Everyone is in their own place on all of these issues.  It’s never too late to take another look at where you and your partner are in regards to these and to set a new mark of where you want to be going forward.  If your mind is open and you are willing to change, anything is possible. 

Love Yourself:  You can’t give away what you don’t have.  Be your REAL self:  Respected, Esteemed, Accepted, and Loved.  If you are struggling with a concept of who you are and you’re not feeling good about yourself, how can you ever connect with someone else for a meaningful relationship?

Own Your Power:  Accept responsibility for your life.  You are an adult now.  Stop blaming others for what happened or didn’t happen to you.  You give away your power when you give a person or an experience from the past the power to control how you feel, think, and speak and what you can accomplish in the present moment.  Show up to your partner as an empowered man or woman as a creator of circumstance, not a victim.

Be Emotionally Available:  Being available means being present.  Can you be comfortable, present with and express your own emotions in a healthy way?  Can you allow others to express and be with their own emotions without making it about you?  Try engaging with another person fully, expressing, sharing, and communicating what is going on at an emotional level with you.  

Know What You Don’t Want:  Be aware of red flags you observed and didn’t observe in past relationships about yourself and your partner.  Get clear about behaviors, actions, choices and experiences you absolutely do not want to repeat again.  Write these downs for clarity.  Stop talking about old relationships and all the things you DON’T want.  If you keep talking about you don’t want, you’ll keep getting it.  That’s the Law.   And your friends are tired of hearing your old stories anyway.

Know What You Do Want:  Now based on what you don’t want, write down and define clearly what you DO want in every area of a relationship:  family, communication, intimacy, finances, social life, career, spirituality/religion, politics, emotional availability, self -love, physical attraction and traits, geographic preference, personality, etc.  Once you’ve defined these items, you’ve just defined who YOU need to be to attract your ideal partner.  Become the partner you want to attract.  Start looking for the partner you want to attract.  You don’t have to settle for less, but attracting a new partner who really matches what you want first requires you showing up as that person.  Speak to others only about the new relationship you want and are currently attracting.  

Allow for Being:  All anyone wants is to just be themselves.  Be yourself and show up just as you are.  Allow the other partner to show up just as they are.  Not everyone meets your expectations.  Is that a surprise?  It’s ok if you are not a match or fit for one another.  What’s more important is you showing up as the real you and not someone or something you aren’t.  The act never lasts very long. 

Create From The Present:  Get over the past.  Heal from past relationships.  Find the lessons, forgive yourself and your ex.  You both did the best you could with what you knew.  Carrying resentment, anger, and low energy into a new relationship only sets it up for the same disappointing patterns.  See your date as a new fresh opportunity to create an infinite possibility based on NOW not THEN.

Observe:  Pay attention to your thoughts, behaviors, emotions, and actions.  Observe your partner and look for what you WANT and be aware of what you DON’T WANT.  Release judging any of it as bad or good and instead just consider, “fit or not a fit” or “match or not a match”.  Pretend it’s a game and release attaching to what it “means” if it’s not a fit or match for you.  It just is.  There are plenty of available and eligible men and women out there that have what you are looking for.  You never have to settle for someone you know isn’t a fit for you.  Never!

Communicate Your Truth:  Seeing or feeling things you DON’T WANT or don’t fit?  If you see something (or feel something), say something.  You owe it to both yourself and your date to speak your truth in an open, honest and safe way.  Allow your date to speak their truth without taking it personal.  Failing to communicate an issue removes any chance for clarity and removes any opportunity for a change to occur.  That’s not fair to either of you.  Take a chance and open your mouth. 

Get Out There and Have Fun:  Stop taking your love life so seriously.  If it was meant to be different than it is now, it would be.  From right where you are you can create a magical, real relationship based on new perspective, new energy, and realistic expectations.  Go for it!

Posted on July 30th, by John Hyatt in Dating.
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